I’ve come out the other side of a week-long binge and wow, I’m kinda glad it happened. Not the emotion I thought I’d be feeling… however I believe everything happens for a reason and we are growing all the time and learning.
So what did I learn and why am I grateful?
It was 6 whole days of me eating a whole lot of junk! I ate everything that I haven’t had in many years! The stuff I don’t usually see as “food”… The foods I see as addictive… The foods I coach people to avoid. I lost all self-control.. My will power and discipline went out the window.
Losing control is bad, right ?
The thing is in this case it wasn’t bad, I needed to lose that control as the control was holding me back!
The control I had over my food was out of fear. Choices made from fear and not from love are not the same! I had developed an unhealthy relationship with food, and although I was eating and making very healthy food choices I hadn’t realised that the control I had around it had made me feel a few emotions that were not helping me live life to the fullest.
It was from my need to be perfect! I’m sure you can relate. Perfectionism is not healthy!
I was feeling like I had to be perfect all the time. This feeling cam from fear of letting go and it was causing me to feel separation. separation from my friends, family, strangers, my need for perfectionism was making me lose and fear my humanness.
Humanness is why we are here on this earth, to live, connect and I was running away from that.
Why do we do this?
I was feeling rigid, and my core desire’s were not being experienced fully because of it.
Running after perfectionism was not serving me in any way! It was taking me further and further away from my desire of Connection, Joy and Fun.
I believe that we do this out of fear, fear of loving and accepting ourselves as we are.
Healing the past?
I’ve been on my journey with food since the age of 14. My health journey started at the age of 21, but my relationship with food really started in my teens when I developed an unhealthy relationship with food.
At the age of 14 I started to use food as a way to control my life. I began my lesson of an eating disorder , anorexia. When things in my life were out of control and I had no way of controlling them I went to food.
It was a combination of self-hatred, inner pain regarding my parents splitting, and also a general feeling of not understanding who I was at that age.
In the middle of my binge I felt guilt and totally lost, I was Sarah the health coach, I shouldn’t be eating this shit. Who am I ? I usually have such great self-control? Why now?
On the flip side I also felt liberated, connected and a whole lot of love for myself.
I had let go, and this helped me feel my complete humanness and let go the perfectionism (which does not exist).
I loved myself in the midst of my “mistake” and “bad choices” it was a feeling of total acceptance, and that acceptance of ourselves is where the true magic is.
I did flip back and forth in these emotions, and each time it was so healing as I was healing some old emotions from when I was the 14-year-old clinging onto the control to feel safe.
I learnt that it was safe to let go, to accept and love yourself in every circumstance and most of all show yourself love and forgiveness. Powerful emotions – Love & Forgiveness.
Yes I knew this is all before and I have been through this in different ways before, however this time it was a little different and it went a little deeper. We are always healing and growing, it is what we are here to do.
A little bit of moon magic:
I thank the eclipse we had for this. If you are into the planetary alignment this eclipse completed a 18.5 year cycle,. And guess what, yes I was 14 then! The beginning of my anorexia.
The week was full of a F@2k it attitude. I let it all go. It’s what my soul needed to do. To move to the next level and shed my skin that wasn’t serving me.
My virgo, perfectionist, personality type actually let go, let her hair down, and enjoyed every moment of it. Then once it was over, I let it go again,!
I am back at my natural desire to eat healthy foods again, I have no desire for the junk, it’s over, and I learnt a whole lot about myself and why I do what I do.
The best bit is I am desiring my healthy lifestyle not out of fear anymore. I just want to. It resonates with my soul. I don’t have the fear I used to that if I eat the “wrong” foods I would get sick., go back to square one, my skin would break out. (my skin did break out!) however I accepted this, and that is a BIG thing for me.
Relationships deepen with humanness:
My relationship with my girlfriend deepened, I felt more connected, because I had let my barriers down. I embraced my humanness and by letting go of perfectionism I closed the gap of separation with myself and everyone in my life.
I let her see and others see my vulnerable side. This is so powerful. Have you heard that the people who are more comfortable being vulnerable are the happiest??
I am far from perfect, I am a human being experiencing life like every one else. I have tried to escape my humanness for such a long time, It had caused a massive feeling of separation in my life.
In my opinion we are all searching for connection in life and separation is the opposite of this. I believe this causes us to feel lost in our worlds.
Listen to your souls desire:
My soul desire of fun and play started my binge, and whilst I labeled it wrong initially, it was actually the perfect lesson and I am so grateful for it.
Yes it’s deep! I know.
For me it is massive and for anyone else out there clinging onto self-control and perfectionism, I really hope this speaks to you.
It is scary to let go I know. I rarely do it or should I say did it..
What rules do you set for yourself?
My soul is breathing a sigh of relief at being able to enjoy life and that the rules I set for myself have been burnt and I am ready to create a new reality, one that come from love. Only love for myself. As I learnt to love myself through a time I would have usually been hard on myself for.
- Make your food choices from love not fear
- Self love will lead you to the path you need
- The rules we chain ourselves to will not make you happy. Don’t focus on rules, focus on core desires.
- Healthy is not just about food.
- Love & Forgiveness also equal health
- Perfectionism is the opposite of balance
- Humanness is a beautiful experience. It’s what we are here to experience. Embrace it.
“I urge you to never give up on your dreams, to always want the best for yourself, to listen out for your inner voice and make yourself a priority”
Lots of Love & Wellness
If you are interested in Health Coaching just contact me on my website through the consultation page.
Holistic Health Coach at Hooked on Health
Working with Women to reach their ideal weight, awaken their passion and spark for life.
- One-on-one Nutrition & Lifestyle Coaching
- Healthy living and delicious recipes
- Detox Retreats,
- Vibrant living workshops
- Juice Cleansing
- Personalised programmes.
- Getting started on your own Health Goals and Weight loss journey
- Living a transformational Life
- Experience magical self empowerment
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